You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
