even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
