Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
