We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
