my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
