you have to choose: penises or morals?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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