yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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