Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
