so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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