By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
