I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
