I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
