Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
