sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Randomize
