i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
