I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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