im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
