it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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