I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
