Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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