he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
