Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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