Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Never joke about your clitoris.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
