I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My ass is underappreciated
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
