life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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