the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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