Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
