I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
