Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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