I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
