So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i think i just lost a toe
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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