The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize