Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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