I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize