you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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