FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
