I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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