No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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