I'm eating all of the evidence.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
