I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I could make wine with my vomit
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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