I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
