I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
