Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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