If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
