i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
