yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
