Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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