GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
