this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
