Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
