I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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