I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
