The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
