i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think people are normalizing furries
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize