i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
