my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize