Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
