I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm at about main and main street
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
