I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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