in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
