I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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