it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
