I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
