at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
