My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
