Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
