Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
