Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
