I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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