And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
