3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
