butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize