God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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