I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i drank out of a bidet.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My penis needs a shock collar
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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