not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
