I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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