My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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