I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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