She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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