Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
