her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
