I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
