Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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