Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
