dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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