Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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