she kept yelling 'call me bella'
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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