This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
