I heard we made out
if i can run in heels then i can drive
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
