I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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