My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
