That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
