i don't like sucking hair
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
