i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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