Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
