I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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