So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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