I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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