I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
