You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
