Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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