I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
