I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
