idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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