After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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