Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
