On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
