At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
