Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
