He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
