I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
They are going to name an STD after you.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
