Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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