my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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