is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
