party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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